Frivolously Strikes as if dawned by  infinite  tragic!  I’m borne morbid 

Ordeals happening to me too often to find myself sinking chronic 

Statistically no doubt ..  I am – I was just as idiotic. Without verdict ..  .. 

Subcounciously feeling like a peacock .. The me in I Proudly flaunting those vibrant  fans because I made my effort to battle the myopic in I … Hiriously.. Despite I was punctual for 2 separate appointments for the last fortnight but ironically, dentist’s appointment -the only time I turned up 5 mins prior to my recollection with pride… Josephine gave me a look I immediately summarized my dates didn’t tally her scheduled appointments – she is one of those very true person tat shares God’s words every time we encounter. … 

Obliviously. — “Sala “wrong Date! .. I was astonished By my natural smirk instead of my usual inhibition of aggressive  frustrations !!, ( reckoned I have the soft spot for Josephine ( the lady in the dental clinic) n my loveliest Dr Teng -!my Dentist- ! ) nonetheless, I didn’t point fingers on my manager cum PA that sent me the wrong reminder on the same morning… even I had my finest doubts over it.  My Angel  – working – almost 3 years for me had a lot to put up with &  it’s quite a torturous task in comprehension of my ultimate intends and contradicting  instructions ( due to my speed of words especially in text n messages!)  Thus .. I definitely do have compassion that perhaps I was the cause & I was too confusing for her to cope with all my calendar appointments.. To cut my procrastination..  .. No one is to be blame!!!m .. human are meant to err…  & furthermore my trust for her is limitless  so the same goes for – my  forgiving is faster then forgetting in her scenario.

As For my appointment with the SHRINK Pyschology expert…- I was 2 hours early Cus I had my so looking forward first pole dancing lesson at 6 -730 pm – tat I do admit I hv selectiveness in prioritize my schedule in head ! Other uninteresting but must attend meetings & appointments I have 2 other ppl to rely on it. Strangely I  find it so easily confused with the precised time.. I felt aging menapausing x 10 is taken effect on me   — ( strangely,  with retrospect! punctuality was my principle there was yet signs of working memory deficit !

When I mentioned here tat My shrink may not know what SCT meant (which comes to me a little surprise!!! -) I was counterattacked viciously.. ( he suggested perhaps I subconsciously , deliberately wanted so much an excuse to be labelled !, & I surfed Internet infos & possibilities to just fit in one neurological disorder… To escape my actual addictions to my substance abuse — to see him was my choice, to be a better man was my decision, I see no reason to doubt the professionalism in him.   ) – I thought for 24 hours & from fuming rage within my core diffusing to possibilities that could be after all! 

The intensed of Our first eyes in contact, — I will say in general’s  Damn heavy.!!! .. He has a special gift in him.. I always felt uncomfortable & naked by the presence & existence of intelligent advocate! My calm reaction betrayed me…  He could look right through me as if he saw what was my lunch intake even if it’s digested intend?? ..was there  Fear in me ?? !  Am I not fearless ???  This make it more intriguing…. Why am I feeling butt naked with those piecing dagger eyes that showed no mercy , certainly zero sympathize  ?  – I am curious !!! Was I taken back with facts or something I was to hide? – his body language built his barricade – & won his battle without blood!  

Again our eyes  was locked with individual’s unveiled  deep thoughts–  we had a 6foot apart of sitting distance  -recalling — the words in his tone was calm but stern ,  – his questions was (to me )  unclear – uncertain? –  but little facts of my knowledge says – whenever those that come eyes to eyes – it’s easy to betray us if there’s lies .- it will reveal to the wise….. , he may be really harsh but I reckoned it’s his nature of task! But incidentally- the rush of reality — I could feel sincerity , unlike many Specialist… He drilled the deepest wound down in me to see the main damage – he did spare the salt he held by his fist even I was yearning ready! His last min mercy – reroute this consultation session with his oneofakind strategy.

He is obviously a man that doesn’t much play the game my way just because I paid him consultations fees for simply to entertain by trusting blindly & believing fantasies i narrate with too much nonsenseto his profession view) .. I felt the solitary confinement in I assumed my sentences might some what be incoherent nor worth those emphatizing peer of me ! Nonetheless to comply positive nor to mk a living out of it .!!! 

He stopped me from divertissement & procrastinating in  several stern commands just  in our 60 mins ( deep soul cleaning  ) session which I seriously did not mean to speak the unspoken!, but it seemed that I do hv the problem just speaking continuously even though I knew those ???? In them .. I’m aware of these bad habits that I tried umpteen ways to rectify but in vain.

I appreciate his indifferent approach of remedy heartedly… Despite of the emotional  tears bursting during his seized. I was having the perceptional distraught of vicious salt rubbing on reopened wounds .. Controversially … When I turned the table around – he needed to dig truth & trigger  into the deepest side of me ( which I may not be aware it existed)  I am aware of his doubting  ..well .. he make it lucid upon introductory  — – I was feeling offended when I leave his clinic… I can’t say was it the homework I had to .. I will finish in time ,,– deep down within .. Unexpectedly, unexplainably — I must say I am blessed n totally appreciate  the counseling ..   R.B may be just another shrink in the eyes of majority’.. But I will now do the homework he assign to me … June will see me in the isolation of my willingness to achieve goals that I have never gave a Thot abt it., it’s about time to just quietly admit.  .. I’m subconsciously an addict that led me chronically sick. That’s his verdict., I will be good  & patiently stick to it.  @m€N

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